“Who is your God?”
“And what about life?”
“This life of mine has left me exhausted. When the time comes to be reborn, I will decline. If they don’t listen to me, I will make a fuss until they do. A weary man like me has earned his break from living.”
“But life is hope.”
“What good is hope to dead people?”
“In death, we find the hope we had surrendered at birth.”
_Shubhangi Swaroop, Latitudes of Longing
I was watching this episode of BoJack Horseman, where this young and stunning actress, Sarah Lynn, who has tasted stardom at a very young age, is attempting to sober herself up. Her usual young self is used to a drunk and drugged life. She shares how in one of the rehabs she attended, she was told, “Worship your body and take care of it like a temple”. She thinks to herself, “Why will somebody want to assume their bodies are temples? Temples are so boring!!”
I had a good laugh. Also, because this was a distant reality then.
I have been in conversation with a friend, battling a medical condition. And more often than not, I am talking with over-positivity of how with the “right mind”, “right will power” and “right approach”, he can overcome his thoughts of giving up on the goodness of life. I obviously hate how positive I sound. Hate mostly because some realities can haunt your general narrative in life, and haunt so deep, that it can just question the basic tenants of sanity in your life.
But it wasn’t too difficult to be positive. Also, because it hasn’t daunted on you how will you behave in a similar condition.
And now more than ever, I have realised how you can die a multiple times in your head before your soul actually leaves your body. Mind has its powers that our petty daily routine makes us ignore.
And for me, a small sign of illness is a gateway to the dead end. One would think that knowing death would make us more adventurous, kind and forgiving. But it can also make us small, stupid and petty. Especially, when you are not ready to absorb the shock.
Can you ever be ready? I don’t know. For what I have experienced, you always imagine you are ready, but when the realities come closer, you are just hoping to spring back, somehow. And the thought that came again and again to me was not a story, not an age, but just few moments of happiness, just moments, not even incidents, here and there, throughout my life, that I longed to experience again. Moments of sitting in that hilly garden surrounded by pure joy, of sharing a ride in silence love, of walks without destination, and of a good family meal together. Just those tiny moments.
While I had few days of isolating myself only with my thoughts before my family joined me. And they made me learn the other perspective. You will eventually die once but the number of deaths you want to imagine for yourself before the actual death is purely a matter of choice. And that is where people full of life can make you look and feel stupid.
Can we change, swap, merge? Get two opposite thinking people, and make a compound out of them? So the ultra-optimistic and ultra-pessimistic compound gets you two sane realistic people. But what will earth be, if it only had balanced people, No extremes? Apart from it being boring, it can very well be mechanical, too rational. Kills the life out of life (:
And also as the couplet reads,
“Teri kismet da likheya tere to koi kho nahi sakda,
Je us di mehar hove te tenu oh vi mil jaaye, jo tera ho nahi sakda”
We know we can’t change us, atleast not easily, definitely not in the short run. But we can always learn more about ourselves, and get the adequate life support system, through the “right people” contrasting to our natural choice of dystopias.