While I see it so evidently and explicitly out there-
- When I feel I was objectified as power, something to be conquered
- When I feel my thoughts and my being is disrespected
- When my existence is for granted, for the very innocent and transparent self I become.
- When I feel that people fail me, my emotions and my conscious.
It’s in my hands to design one of the two realities for myself –
- One, that ignores what the (Ill/mal/ugly) intentions of a person(s) could be. Just treasure the moments of past and present and close the chapter with whatever good memories. Just walk past.
- Two, to use the experience for learning, amending and correcting my ways of blind trusts and faith, nurturing people, when your head gives you signs of being, otherwise.
It’s draining and completely a horror to imagine living in a world that lacks trust.
But are there any options left?
I know I will commit the same mistake again. In fact, on the verge of committing, every single day.
And, don’t really know what is worse-
- To choose not to trust easy
- To dip yourself into yet another experience and then another till you finally loose yourself, destroy yourself. You become incapable to nurture because you’ve destroyed yourself.
Perhaps a slow death from cigarette (like latter) is preferable over a hard hammer stroke.
Living and breathing again, waiting for the chaos to make its way into the ordinary lives.
Like Friedrich Nietzsche said, enduring the pain to grow towards the happiness that perhaps is just a milestone to the next block of pain.