While I have been receiving information, facts, emotional vent outs and many more reflections by many, amongst my friends and the extended circles, I have a sense of exhaustion at my end.
Every one has been the saying the same thing, that they were talking. Whether it was about Islamophobia or brotherhood or secularism or unity or solidarity. Everyone who was talking about one principle still talks and emphasise the same old point that they always believed in. There haven’t been any conversions. None. Everyone is busy reinforcing their beliefs with more information and facts around the same.
And perhaps it’s too much to expect that people change or reflect differently. And I am feeling an exhaustion to believe – can there be anything that one can do?
I haven’t stopped listening and echoing my views wherever possible. But it’s shameful, at the very least, that-
- Riots are being used to justify your biases to a community that you are holding to your petty self since childhood
- Your family or closed one instilled so much hate in you or kept you so much aloof that you fail to experience pain.
- You are so distanced to the realities of violence that you justify it, or believe it is for greater good, or easier – blame it on someone- who caused and this sufferings.
- People are still proving on one side – how Muslims are fooled and have misunderstood CAA or the fact that they were never Indian enough.
- We can continue to live our normal Lives.
- People are more concerned about inconveniences more than the basic right to live of many.
I feel failed. Every time –
- A random co-passenger trying to mansplain me how I was unfortunate to have studied at Jamia.
- A taxi driver telling me how Muslims have always been a ruckus.
- Another acquaintance explaining how Hindu Rashtra is good for us, good for me. Never thought this too deeply, to be or not to be friends- but how exactly does one process this?
- An extended friend showing concerns of riots and how Muslims escalated the situation because they continued to protest.
I cant imagine going back from here-
- When the larger public is speaking the language of Hindutva and forgotten Hinduism- as a religion – one of the most inclusive one, in its roots.
- When the society has found her scapegoat – muslims and would like to believe that if they are set right, our country will come at peace.
- It’s almost like, putting the blame on someone puts our conscious clear and perhaps that is why, people are still able to sleep in this city.
- When there are very few Hindus (thanks to those who did) who came out with a public apology for what is happening in the name of their religion.
- When I see the life doesn’t stop in other areas, and people have accustomed to the new state – the Hindu Rashtra.
So coming back to what we can do?
I have realised –
- Facts can be countered by facts, and the battle of facts can never really be won, because that involves a lot of historical manipulation.
- Emotions can be felt but only to the ones you know – your kins, your friends, your known ones. Many of us have imagined realities of the others, and that has blocked us to even learn more about them.
- If I was only dependent on social media to make my opinions, I would have just been confused or may be very sure about one of the narratives- the one that reached me through my friends. And that will perhaps never be my own experience. Like it’s said, until you touch the hot pan, you wouldn’t know what it feels like.
- Until you don’t experience how ugly is the hindutva mindset – which is based on the hatred of one group. Until you know what it means to know muslims in real- you are handicapped. Handicapped to really connect to the transition that India is making towards vulgarity and the ugly ambitions of being the super power.
- And the last thought that just passed my way is that not all Hindus are your friends, or think alike with you, or have the same political opinion or are honest or are with the same way of life as you have. Because class plays a role, caste, family, circumstances play a role. And Muslims are no different.
Don’t try to feel connected with all of them and neither try to put your one/multiple experience as the grounds of your views of hatred. If anything is making you hate a community, you need to reflect on your source of hatred. Work on it. Get well soon, or perhaps I shall fall sick in the hands of the Hindutva nation.
I owe my immense gratitude to everyone who is standing by, standing against to save the spirits of humanity (I don’t have even want to color it on nations right now). I have no hopes because collectively, we have failed.
To everyone who is fighting to hide or feel secure on the roads because of the identity they carry in their name, in their experience. I can feel the same fear as a woman, when I am passing a dark lane in the odd hours m, where eyes are pouncing on me for a chance of violence. It’s the same, very very same.
To everyone, who is lifting dead bodies of closed ones, coping with life time savings losses, to you, I can’t imagine what to say. Because I am guilty to be privileged, and guilt to succumb to the new realities. And guilty that as a part of this society, I let this happen, like many others amongst us, by not able to stop it, since I was a child. It’s not today, it’s been there for longer time. Much longer. Political forces just capitalised on it. And we allowed hatred to grow around us.
I only pray that we all get healed. Healed of our angers, of our frustrations, of our anxieties and healed of that force that comes in you to attack and take someone’s life, or even crack a bone.
I am hoping for magic, magic of people falling in love with each other, because I know only one fact and that is that we all are capable to love, everyone. Forgetting what we hear, what we were taught or are made to believe.
Khusro dariya Prem ka
Jo ulti wa ki dhaar
Jo utro so doobi hai
Jo dooba so paar
And I hope with absolute hopelessness that there can still be some magical brushstrokes that will get us back to the track of living with love, and value diversity, be less certain of what others are, what we are; and more happy to learn, together.